The Bohemians Work At the Mall
by MoowitMi324
Summary: It's been three years since they went into chaos mode at Walmart, now the bohos are forced to get jobs again and this time theres going to be even more chaos. crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

Bohemians Work at the Mall 

Chapter 1: Update

Over the past three years our favorite bohemians have had their share of jobs.

Mark worked as a camera man on a porn set for a year. He was involved in three films and won a Boner award for one of his movies, Bow Chica Bow Wow. He was a little embarrassed, but at the end of the day he realized that that dirty money was giving him a roof over his head. After being attacked by one of the male actors, Mark decided to quit and went on to film for the show Cheaters for two years.

Roger was unemployed for six months and went back to his emo stage and broke up with Mimi, accusing her of cheating on him with Benny ,who had been living in Florida since after the whole Wal-Mart Chaos. The rockstar took a trip to Santa Fe, again. He came back a week later, because he realized he didn't have his toothbrush with him. Mark and Mimi calmed him down and proceeded to laugh in his face and tell him that they knew he would come back. He and Mimi got back together and Roger has been a bouncer at the Cat Scratch Club.

Mimi went back to the Cat Scratch Club, after a year of teaching young children how to dance. Parents began to complain saying they didn't want their children to end up in a rap video or in a strip club shaking their ass for cash. Mimi told them that they would end up doing it for free once they turned 16 and was fired by the head of the department of dance.

Maureen decided she wanted become a gynecologist, but realized that she had to go to school for it and decided to have her own private practice. She was arrested for sexual harassment three days later and Joanne refused to help her. A year later she was arrested for trying sale illegal Hannah Montana T-shirts and was put in jail.

Joanne has decided to stop being a lawyer and decided to go to Hawaii to help her father with his law firm.

Collins and Angel have been living with Roger and Mark because they have realized they cant work anywhere without being destructive.

A/N: yes, I am back with a sequel. I need some humor in my life! Haha. Please review! It will let me know if this will suck or not


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was a rainy Tuesday afternoon. Why was is raining? Because everyone was depressed. Well, not everyone, Collins was too drunk to be depressed and Angel is too optimistic to have depression in her vocabulary, but Mark, Mimi, and Roger could've used a few bottles of Prozac. Ok, in reality if they had a few bottles, they would be dead, but still they were the depressed. The economy is fucked and so are their lives. Roger had gotten Mimi and himself fired from the Cat Scratch Club, because he didn't like how this guy was looking at her and the guy hit him over the head with a beer bottle, causing Mimi to attack, so, by the end of the night they were kicked out. Mark got tiered of being chased around because of his camera. He quit after getting shot at on location during an episode of Cheaters.

"On the good ship lollipop, it's a sweet trip to the candy shop. Where the bon-bons play on a sunny day-"

"Its 'on the sunny beach'." Mark said, correcting Collins.

"That's what I said." Collins said, before taking another drink.

"No, you didn't."

"Are you trying to control my words, boy?"

"What?"

"You talking to me?" Collins asked, in a drunk tone.

"Yes."

"You talking to me?"

"Yes."

"You talking to me?"

"Yes, Collins!"

Collins chuckled loudly and patted Mark on the shoulder.

"Honey, I think you just lay off the grey goose" Angel said, as she was cooking in the kitchen.

"Blame it on the goose, got me feelin' loose." Collins sang.

"I love dancing to that song." Mimi said, coming out of she and Roger's bedroom.

"Hola."

"Hola." Mimi said. "Collins, it's 10 in the morning and you're already drunk?"

"He's been drunk for two days." Mark said.

"I've been staying up all night." Collins smiled.

"Red Bull and vodka." Angel explained.

Mimi sat at the table across from the oven and observed what Angel was cooking.

"Angel, there's nothing in that pot.." Mimi said with caution.

"I know, I just miss having food."

"So, you are just cooking invisible food?"

"Invisible spaghetti."

Roger came out of the bedroom with his guitar.

"We need to get our shit together. I'm sick of watching my best friend's girl cook invisible food." Roger said, sadly.

"Roger, you would have a job if you could control your temper." Mark said rolling his eyes

"How would you feel if you're girlfriend…..never mind, you haven't had a girlfriend since the beginning of time."

Mark threw a pillow at the rockstar. Collins stood up and began dancing with his bottle.

"Gimmie gimmie gimmie a man after midnight." Collins sang.

As Angel, Mimi, Roger, and Mark stared at their drunk ABBA singing friend, the door burst open. It was Maureen. She rand straight for Mark.

"Oh, pookie! It was horrible! Oh my gawd! You look older! I've been in jail for 20 years!"

"Mo, it's only been a year." Mimi said, laughing.

"In there it's like a lifetime." Maureen said taking off her jacket.

"Uh, Maureen, is a full back tattoo?" Roger asked.

"Yeah, I'm representing all my homies in the big house." Maureen said throwing up a gang sign.

"You made friends? that's great, sugar." Angel said, giving Maureen a hug.

"Yeah, I met tons of them! Like, Bertha, Martha, Margaret, Ann, Kelly, Alexis, Miranda, Ashley. (2 hours later) Sally, May-"

"Ok, ok, we get it." Roger said.

Collins, who had gone to sleep two seconds after Maureen had gotten there, woke up.

"Mo? You're alive!"

Collins and Maureen shared a big hug and gave each other a kiss.

"So, has anyone heard from my selfish ex?" Maureen asked.

"She's in Hawaii with her parents."

"Mark, you don't have to lie."

"Why would I lie?" Mark asked.

"I saw her parents walking into their house when I was on my way home. I didn't want to say anything to them, so I paid the cab driver three extra dollars if he drive faster." Maureen explained.

"I guess, she decided to stay."

"I guess so. I don't care." Maureen said. The Diva picked up a newspaper. " I really need to find a job. My patrol officer demands I get a job fast, before I end up breaking the law.

"We all need jobs. We don't feel like being homeless." Mimi said, looking out the window.

"Oh shit." Maureen said loudly.

"What?" everyone asked.

"I don't have a place to live!" Maureen stood up. "Pookie, help me collect some cardboard boxes on the street. I need to find a spot that's somewhat clean and less creepy old men."

"Maureen, you can stay here." Mark, said looking at her oddly.

"Oh my gawd, really?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you keep saying "gawd" like that?" Roger asked.

"Because it's what the kids are saying now!" Maureen giggled.

"Hey, look, there are job openings at the mall." Angel pointed out.

They all looked at each other.

"Do you think we can all work without fucking up everything?" Roger asked his friends.

"We can try. We have to sober Collins, first." Angel said with a smile.

A/N: Next chapter should be real interesting. Lets just say the recession has brought Joanne down haha. Please review! I would like to thank those who have already reviewed! You put a smile on my face.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Kendall walked into the main office of the mall, she was about to prepare a newsgroup employees. She opened the door and entered with her shoulders straight, no smile on her face, and her face in a folder, reading the job listings.

"Welcome to New York's biggest and most popular mall. I'm Kendall and I will be pre-" Kendall stopped when she realized who she was talking to. "This is a joke, right?"

"No." The bohemians said in unison.

"I got fired from Wal-Mart because of you dickheads!"

"Now, Now, Kendall, "dickheads" is a very strong word." Mimi said.

"Loser, assholes, perverts, dumbass , slackers. Words like the ones I just listed sound better." Roger explained.

"You look hot as a blonde." Maureen said with a wink.

"Ugh! Why are you here?" Kendall asked Maureen.

"My parole officer."

"You went to jail? For what? Sexual harassment?"

"No, but you've given me a reason to go back to jail. Thanks, sugar tits." Maureen said, winking…again.

"You better fix that eye before I rip it out." Kendall threatened.

Mark stood up quickly. "Listen, Kendall, we know we fucked up big time when we were working at Wal-Mart , but our past job choices have put us in a shitty position." he said.

"Please, honey, give us one more chance." Angel begged.

"Yeah, what they all said." Collins said, after waking up.

"Were you sleep?" Kendall asked.

"Hangover." Collins replied.

"This is hell.." Kendall mumbled. her cell phone rang. "Hello? Hi honey. No. I'm just having a bad day. Lets just say I'm here with some people you know quite well. Yeah, them. Ok, love you too. Bye."

Kendall hung up the phone leaving everyone with a question mark .

"Was that your husband?" Mimi asked.

"No, my fiancée ."

"You and Steve aren't together anymore?"

"No, I've found someone better."

"Who is he?"

"None of your business.

"Baby, you don't have to be rude." Maureen said, with yet another wink."

"Miss. Johnson, please stop winking at me!"

"Yeah, Mo, it makes you look like one of those perv- never mind, you are a pervert." Roger said, rolling his eyes.

"Ok, its time to assign you all places in the mall."

"I want Victoria Secret!" Maureen said, happily.

"Hell no." Kendall said. "Miss. Johnson, you will be working at the Disney Store."

"Wait. Is that a kid store?" Maureen asked in a frightened voice.

"Yes."

"No, no, no, no, no. Maureen Johnson does NOT work with kids."

"Well, Maureen Johnson DOES now." Kendall said with an evil smile.

"Shit."

"Mr. Cohen, you will be working at Hot Topic." Mark's smiled not knowing what Hot Topic was. "Angel , you will work at Fashion Fever."

"Yes!" Angel said, giggling.

"Mimi and Roger get to work in the food court. You will be working at Burger Island. Roger you get to work at McDonalds."

The Bohos spent the rest of the day talking with their managers and other employees and getting prepared for the big day they were going to have tomorrow.

A/N: yeah, this is a short chapter, but this is working towards all the good stuff. Thank you all for all the support!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: disclaimer: I do not own Love Game. It's Lady Gaga's song :)

Chapter 4

[Disney Store]

"Now, Miss. Johnson, remember to be HAPPY and SMILE." Mrs. Garnet, Maureen's manager said as she put the Mickey Mouse ears on Maureen's head.

Since Maureen was an actress and a 24/7 drama queen, it was easy for her to paint that fake smile Mrs. Garnet wanted. Her manager left for her lunch break, leaving Maureen to be the only worker. The Diva stood behind the counter waiting on customers, she saw a Hannah Montana wig on the floor and hopped over the counter to pick it up. Once it was picked up, she took off the Mickey Mouse ears and put the Hannah Montana wig on her head, then placed the ears on top of the wig. Next, she grabbed a Beauty and The Beast Mirror and observed herself.

"I look hot." Maureen said to herself.

Behind her a figure walked by. Maureen quickly turned around, immediately staring at the woman's ass. The woman was with two small children. Maureen's terminator vision was set, she slowly started following the woman. The music in her head began and techno lights appeared. Maureen begins to dance.

Maureen: _Let's have some fun, this beat is sick I wanna take a ride on your disco stick. Let's have some fun, this beat is sick I wanna take a ride on your disco stick._

Back up dancers dressed as Disney characters (Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Pinocchio, Snow White, Nemo, Cinderella, and Simba) enter the store and start to dance provocatively behind Maureen.

Maureen : _I wanna kiss you But if I do then I might miss you, babe It's complicated and stupid Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid Guess he wants to play, wants to play A love game, a love game ._

Dancers: _Hold me and love me Just want touch you for a minute Maybe three seconds is enough For my heart to quit it _

Maureen hides behind toy shelves and dances

Maureen and the dancers: _Let's have some fun, this beat is sick I wanna take a ride on your disco stick Don't think too much just bust that kick I wanna take a ride on your disco stick ._

The dancers begin grinding on each of the Jonas Brother's life size cardboard cut outs. Maureen dances between a Zac Efron and a Vanessa Hugen's life size cardboard cut out while looking at the woman with her kids as they pick out costumes.

Maureen and the dancers: _Let's play a love game Play a love game Do you want love? Or you want fame? Are you in the game? Through the love game. Let's play a love game, play a love game. Do you want love, or you want fame Or you win the game Through the love game._

Aladdin and Pinocchio pick Maureen up and spin her around

Maureen: _I can see you staring there from across the block With a smile on your mouth and your hand on your (huh!) _

Maureen gets closer to the watch.

Maureen: _The story of us, it always starts the same With a boy and a girl and a (huh!) _

The woman turns around.

Maureen: and a JOANNE?

The music stops and the dancers run out of the store. The lights go away and the store went back to normal

"Maureen?" Joanne asked looking at her wearing a Hannah Montana wig and Mickey Mouse

"what are you doing here? And with Asian kids? Did you know adopt?"

"As you know….we are in a recession."

"We are? Oh no! America is poor!"

"I'm a babysitter."

"What?"

"My dad's law firm didn't work out in Hawaii so I had to move back here and now I have several jobs. I'm a babysitter, a dog walker, and a drug dealer."

"Oh my goodness, Joanne. " Maureen said, hugging her ex girlfriend.

"I'm doing ok. Did you dye your hair?"

"No, it's a wig…I got bored."

"Oh…"

"So what are you doing tonight?" Maureen asked.

"I'm providing drugs at a Rave."

"There's like four tonight." Maureen said rolling her eyes.

"The one under Macy's."

"Oh cool. So…could I join you?"

"I thought you hated me?" Joanne asked.

"I was just mad."

"Ok, meet me tonight at ten."

[McDonalds]

Mimi stood in front of the cash register chomping on a piece of gum. A tall blonde woman with a white headband and a white dress approached her.

"Welcome to McDonalds, how may I help you?" Mimi said, nicely.

"May I ask you what type of gum you are chewing?" The woman said with a British voice.

"Winter fresh . Want some?"

The woman gave the dancer a strange look, then smiled. Her mouth was glowing. Out of nowhere, a pack of gum appeared in her hand.

"Try Orbit White."

"Uh..no, thank you. I like Winter fresh. It's enough mint for me."

"Dirty mouth?"

"Excuse me?"

"Dirty mouth?"

"Dirty mouth?" Mimi repeated.

"Dirty mouth?" The woman asked with the her mouth still glowing.

"No, my mouth is clean. I brush my teeth four times a day and I chew gum. winter fresh gum"

The woman's eyes began to have a worried look.

"Listen, bitch, if you don't take this pack of Orbit White, the man sitting at the table 10 feet away will kill me. I have been forced to advertise this fucking gum for too many years and if I sale 100 packs this week I am freed. Now, do you really want to see a nice British lady like me get hurt? Because if I get hurt I will come at you like a spider monkey."

Mimi stared at the woman with dismay. _Did she really just cry for help in a happy voice? _Mimi thought.

"I'll take five packs." Mimi said, slowly.

"Thank you. Have a great day!" The Orbit White lady said, as she skipped away.

Before the next customer came, Mimi spit out her gum.

[Hot Topic]

Collins, who was on his lunch break, entered the small storage like store to see a scared Mark.

"Boy, what's wrong with you."

"I think I know why this place is called Hot Topic."

"Why?"

"Because all of these teenagers look for the same freaking thing." Mark said, whispering.

A customer entered.

"Do you have the new Suicide Circus CD?" a tall kid with black eye liner and black hair asked.

"Yes, in the very back." Mark said.

"Suicide Circus?" Collins asked.

"It's some Emo band. I'm telling you, these kids are obsessed with four things. Twilight, Band Shirts, Suicide Circus, and hair dye." Mark explained.

Another group of dark haired and eyeliner kids appeared. They were singing.

"I beat my father and kill cats! I love eating rats!" They sang.

"Collins, I'm scared." Mark said, grabbing Collins' shirt.

"I cant help you with this one, Mark. This is what the kids are doing these days."

"When I was a teen I listened to Culture Club and Flock of Seagulls. I'm not used to this!"

"Culture Club? Really?" Collins said laughing.

"Shut up!"

"Did you dress up like boy George, too?"

"Collin's, don't be mean." Mark begged.

"WHERE'S THE FALL OUT BOY SHIRTS!" a young girl asked.

"Sold out." Mark answered.

"NO! I'M GOING SO TWITTER ABOUT THIS!" The girl cried.

A/N: Next chapter Roger gets interviewed by someone famous and Angel has problems with her coworker. Please review! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I just want to think all of the readers! I had to change up the Roger portion of the story, because it was a little to X-rated. Long story short, I had him being interviewed by Bruno lol!.

Chapter 5

[Fashion Fever]

It was the second day of work. Angel loved the store she was working in and she also loved the employee discount. Her day had been excellent until someone famous walked into the entrance of Fashion Fever.

The store became surround with people on their IPhones and digital cameras. A man with bright pink hair and a black eye entered.

"I want this shirt, that tie, those shoes, those purple pants." He demanded as he walked around the store with his dog in his arms. "oh! I have a new scandalous idea! Miley Cyrus is secretly dating Lil Wayne. Go ahead and post that."

It was the one person Angel could NOT stand. We all know Angel loves everyone, but one person. That one person is….Perez Hilton.

As his assistants laid his clothes on the counter, Angel crossed her arms.

"These items are not for sale." Angel said, glaring at Perez.

"What are you talking about?"

"I refuse to sale to such a degrading member of the gay community." Angel said, stomping her feet.

"This coming from a drag queen who is wearing a 10 year old skirt with a Katy Perry style wig?"

"Hey, chico! Katy Perry stole that look from ME. You got that? And who dyes their hair pink anymore?"

"Honey, everyone loves the pink hair."

"Yeah, only the Pink, the singer."

Just then Perez came up with another article.

"Harry! I have a new article. Pink Goes Bald."

Angel's lips cringed. "You disgust me! All you write are lies and trash!"

"There not always lies!"

"Most of the time they are. I'm happy that guy from Black Eyed Peas punched you."

"Ah! You bitch!"

"You are a disgrace! And how dare you use the F word!" Angel said before slapping Perez in the face.

Perez fell to the floor and his assistants had to drag him out. As they were leaving, Perez looked at Angel and said "I AM GOING TO TWITTER THE POLICE AND BLAST YOU ON MY WEBSITE!"

"SUGAR, I'M ONLY FAMOUS IN LOVELY NYC!" Angel said with a smile.

[Burger Island]

Roger had had a long day and was ready for his lunch break. Burger Island was basically Burger Hell to him and he wanted out. He would rather be a two cent hooker than work at this place. Not that many people came to Burger Island because of an old scandal that had to do with roaches two years ago. Finally a customer approached him. It was a girl around 24 or 25, she had dark blond hair and was short and looked like she weighed around 105.

"Welcome to Burger Island."

"Could I get a large fry, two triple Angus islands, three key lime pies, a large chocolate cookie, and a macho sized Diet Pepsi….I need to watch my figure." she said.

Roger looked at the girl as if he had just seen the ghost of Jimi Hendrix. He was praying that she had a group of friends that were waiting on her to help her eat all of that food.

"That will be $27.95." He said cautiously.

Roger prepared her food and 10 minutes later he handed it to her.

"Have a great day."

"Do you mind giving me some advice?"

"Uh..sure"

"My friend Kendall is getting married and I found out her fiancé is cheating on her, but I've already gotten my bridesmaid dress. Am I a bad friend for not telling her?

"Why don't you just take the dress back?"

"Are you kidding me? That dress is fuckin' gorgeous! Its like Beyonce meets Lady Gaga and they have a kid and the kid marries Madonna, then divorces her for Angelina Jolie."

"I see." Roger said, raising his eye brow.

"She hasn't been the best-est friend to me, you know? In high school she was always better than me at everything! She gave one hand job and suddenly everyone wanted to be with her. I gave this guy a blow job and he told me that my gag reflex was as absent as the father figure in my life. Everyone ended up calling me a whore."

"I am so sorry." Roger said leaning on the counter.

"Benny is such an asshole! I told her not to get with him."

"Did you just say….Benny?"

"Yeah, really hot black guy, but really greedy with money."

"He's my ex roommate!"

"Oh wow! So, you know the douchbag!"

"Yeah! He is a pathetic little yuppie.

"Did you know he cheated on his first wife with some trashy ass stripper? How low!"

"That trashy ass stripper is my girlfriend….." Roger said with a blank face.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"It's ok, but you should know that she had no idea he was married and the moment she found out she cut things off with him."

"Well, that's smart of her."

"Yeah.."

"Thank you so much for listening. Have a good day!"

The girl walked away with the tray of food. Roger watched her sit a table by herself and eat every single bite.

[Food Court]

It was now lunch time and the bohemians decided to meet up and in the food court and spend the 60 minutes of freedom they had together. Angel had her shoes off, Collins took of his click on security tie, Mark had his head rested on the table, Mimi took off her apron, and Roger smoked a cigarette. They all sat silently screaming on the inside.

"This is bullshit." Roger said, breaking the silence.

"I am security guard and there's nothing to secure." Collins said.

"I am scared of my customers." Mark said, with his head still on the table.

"Scared? I was scared too." Mimi said. "I was threatened by the orbit white lady, yesterday."

"I got into an argument with Perez Hilton."

"O.M.G Angel." Mimi said in shock.

"I found out who Kendall is engaged to." Roger said with a smirk.

"Who?" They all asked.

Before Roger could spill the news he realized they were missing someone. "Where's Maureen?"

"I haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon when she was making out with a cardboard cut out." Collins said.

Just then a woman with Donald Duck sunglasses and a Camp Rock hoodie appeared at the table. She sat next to Mark. Next, Joanne came to the table.

"Hey, Joanne!" everyone said.

"Where have you been?" Mimi asked.

"Long story."

"Maureen, why are you dressed like this?" Mark asked.

"She's hiding from Chris Hansen."

"The guy from To Catch a Predator?" Angel asked. "I love that show! So sleazy!"

"Well, Maureen got herself into some trouble last night" Joanne said, looking at her ex girlfriend.

"Please explain." Collins said sitting up in his chair.

"Ok." she said slowly. "I went to a rave with pookie last night and there was this girl there that I had been chatting with in prison for like a few months on one of the prison computers."

"That have computers in the big house?" Roger asked.

"Wow…. That's not good."

"Anyway, we met and then she asked me to come back to her place and when I got there…"

A/N: What happened? Find out in the next chapter! It will mostly be a flashback. I have no idea how I am going to end this story, but I have a feeling it's going to be longer than the first one. Please review! Reviews are part of my giant muse that is helping me with this story.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

[Flashback]

After the rave Joanne, Maureen, and some random young girl were walking down the street, talking about random stuff like Bananas, cell phones, video games, and Burt Reynolds.

"If I were a man, I'd want his mustache!" the young girl said.

"I'd give you a mustache ri-"

"Maureen, lets keep it PG-13." Joanne said, laughing.

"You want to come back to my place?" The young girl asked.

"Yes!" Maureen said.

"I cant, I have baby-sit Beyonce in the morning,"

"You are so lucky!" Maureen and the young girl said as they giggled with their minds filled with drugs.

[Young girls house]

Maureen and the young girl (Whose name we will never know) walked into the house, the young girl took of her coat.

"I'm going to go freshen up, have a seat at the kitchen counter." The young girl said leaving.

Maureen sat down at the kitchen counter and hummed to herself. Next to the refrigerator was a tall black curtain, the curtain moved revealing Chris Hansen. Maureen looked completely lost.

"Hi." The man wearing the turtle neck said.

"Uh…hello?"

"May I ask what you are doing here?" Chris Hansen asked.

"This girl and I came back here to make origami and cook tacos." Maureen said.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No, if I did, I wouldn't be stuck with this blank look on my face."

"I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC. We have a show called To Catch a Predator."

"Oh, well that's nice. Are you her father?"

"No, I am not."

"Then why are you here?" Maureen though for a moment. "O.M.G! YOU'RE THE PREDATOR!"

Maureen pulled a gun out of her shoe and pointed it towards Chris Hansen.

"No, I am not the predator, you are."

"I am only a predator in the bedroom!"

"Is that what you were planning to do with this young girl?"

"No! I told you! I came here for arts and crafts and tacos!"

"Is that some code for lesbian sex?" Chris Hansen asked.

"No!..well, the taco part, yeah, but it doesn't relate to tonight."

"Are you MoneyHungry89?"

"Who?"

"Your screen name."

"No! who has a lame ass screen name like that!" Maureen asked still pointing the gun at Chris Hansen.

"You do!"

"No, mine is….hey! I'm not telling you my screen name! This might be a conspiracy set up by the government! George Bush is setting me up!"

"But Obama is president now. How is it his fault?"

" Say that same sentence to the people blaming him for the fucked up regression we have."

"What? Regression?

"Yes!"

"You mean recession?" A camera man said, coming from behind the curtain.

"HOLY SHIT ON A STICK! YOU HAVE CAMERAS!" Maureen said, randomly putting on a hockey mask.

"Where did you get that from?" The camera man asked.

"I have a lot of shit in my purse!" Maureen said, with frustration.

"We are going to have to ask you to turn yourself in!" Chris Hansen said.

"NEVER!" Maureen said running out the back door, bursting threw the glass

[Present]

The bohemians sat at the table trying to hold back their laughter.

"This is NOT funny! I could go to jail for something I didn't do." Maureen said. "I cant go back to the jail house rock!"

"Relax, you wont!" Joanne said.

"So, Joanne, how was Beyonce?" Mimi asked.

"It turned out to be a impersonator." Joanne said sadly.

"Dammit!" Collins said.

"Look at the time. its time for me to go stack the shelves with Twilight dolls." Mark said.

"Save me an Edward doll." Angel said.

"Save me one too." Mimi said.

"I can only save one of each character." Mark said, standing up.

Mimi and Angel glared at each other.

"Here we go." Collins and Roger said knowing where this was going.

"Mimi, I'll get you the Bella doll." Mark said.

"Fuck, Bella! Who wants Bella? Edward doesn't even want her in New Moon."

"He has a reason! He's saving her life!" Joanne argued.

"Lets keep it real, Joanne. Edward wanted to get away from her." Mimi said.

"You're just jealous because you want to be Bella." Angel said, with a smirk.

"Well, at least I didn't have to read the book twice just to understand that Jacob is a Werewolf."

"MIMI!" They all yelled.

"What?"

"That is one of the top Twilight rules!" Maureen said, taking off her sunglasses.

"Never mention Jacob is a…you know what." Roger said, pouting.

"Girl, you just ruin everything." Collins said. "I'm going to go secure things"

All the bohos went back to work, leaving Mimi sitting at the table looking like a douchbag.

A/N: Next chapter Angel and Mimi go at it for the Edward doll. Please review! And if you'd like send me some ideas for the story. Maybe you have a crazy real life experience that you would love to see in the story.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight, American idol, nor the McDonald's Rap

Chapter 7

[Hot Topic]

Mark was quietly putting Twilight dolls on the shelf when two teenage girls approached him.

"O.M.G! it's Edward Cullen!" The girl with braces said.

"Yeah, I know. These are his dolls…"Mark said slowly. "Want one?"

The girl knocked the doll out of Mark's hand and pulled him by his shirt.

"I want you!"

The other girl with the My Chemical Romance shirt pushed her friend to the ground and hopped onto Mark.

"I want you're little vampire babies!"

"I am NOT Edward!" Mark said trying to get the girl off of him. She was hanging onto him like a little monkey.

"You don't have to hide it, Eddie!" The girl with the braces said as she kissed his shoes.

"I look nothing like him!" Mark yelled. "Stop kissing my shoes!"

"Hey, Nina, let's take him outside so we can see him sparkle in the light!"

"OMG he is going to look so freakin' sexy!"

The two girls dragged Mark by his arms outside of Hot Topic.

Collins was trying to stop a man from speeding in his electric wheelchair.

"Sir, please stop speeding and attempting to run over little children." Collins demanded.

"Buzz off, flashlight cop." The old man said.

Collins jumped in front of the electric wheelchair. "If you don't stop, I will beat you with my flashlight."

"How rude!" A random British woman said as she walked by.

"Collins, help." Mark said, while being dragged.

"I'll be back. don't move." Collins demanded.

Once the girls got outside they pushed Mark to the ground and waited for him to sparkle.

"You girls are rough." Mark said, wiping the blood off his mouth. He had hit his mouth when they threw him onto the ground.

"Shelby, why isn't her sparkling?"

"I don't know."

"Edward, why aren't you sparkling?"

"I keep telling you little groupies that I am NOT EDWARD! I DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE HIM! HE'S NOT EVEN REAL! HE'S JUST A STORYBOOK CHARACTER!" Mark yelled as his face turned as red as an apple.

The girls began to cry. Before he could say sorry, they began kicking and punching him as he lie on the ground in front of the mall. Collins ran over to the girls and picked them up.

"What is the problem?"

"He pretended to be Edward!"

"He played with our emotions!"

Collins set them down and reached into his pocket.

"Here, take these American Idol tickets I found in the Women's restroom. Front row seats."

"OMG WE CAN SEE ADAM LAMBERT!" The girls screamed as they jumped up and down.

"Lets go twitter to our friends!" The girl with the braces said.

"I'm going to report it on Facebook!" The girl with the My Chemical Romance shirt said.

"You guy's wanna be friends on MySpace?" Mark asked, getting up off the ground.

They gave him a blank stare.

"Who uses MySpace, anymore?"

"It's so 2000 and late." The other girl said.

"Thank you Mr. Mall Cop for the tickets." They said , before going off to tell their friends about their American Idol tickets.

Mark and Collins went back into the mall.

"I gotta go ticket this old man." Collins said.

"The one you were arguing with?" Mark asked.

"Yep, that's him." Collins said, looking for him. "And now he's gone."

"I've gotta go back to Hot Topic."

"Have fun, Edward."

"…Don't ever call me that again." Mark said.

As Mark walked back to the store Collins let out a loud chuckle.

[Burger Island]

"Welcome to-"

Roger was interrupted by two guys. One was beat boxing and the other guy started to rap.

"Big mac!"

"_I need a double cheese burger and hold the lettuce  
Don't be frontin son — no seeds on the bun  
We be up in this drive through order for two  
I gots a cravin' fo' a numba nine like my shoe  
We need some chicken up in here, in this hizzle  
For rizzle my mizzle, extra salt on da frizzle  
Dr. pepper my brothah, another for ya motha  
Double-double supah size and don't forget the fries"_

Roger stood in front of the guys, not saying a word.

"Maybe we should slow it down?"

His friend started beat boxing.

"Big Mac!"

"_I need a double cheese burger and hold the lettuce  
Don't be frontin son — no seeds on the bun  
We be up in this drive through order for two  
I gots a cravin' fo' a numba nine like my shoe  
We need some chicken up in here, in this hizzle  
For rizzle my mizzle, extra salt on da frizzle  
Dr. pepper my brothah, another for ya motha  
Double-double supah size and don't forget the fries"_

"Oh, yeah!"

Roger shook his head at the two men and pointed across the food court at McDonalds.

"This is Burger Island. We don't even have a number nine and we don't sale Pepsi products." The rocker explained.

"Damn! Sorry, man, we are really high and have a major case of the munchies."

"I completely understand." Roger said.

[McDonald's]

The McDonald's rappers had been trying to order for 20 minutes and Mimi was getting frustrated.

"Listen!"

"Big mac!"

"If you say-"

"Big mac!"

"I really have to go-"

"Big mac!"

"Can you just speak your order li-"

"Big mac"!"

"Why do I always get the crazy ones?" Mimi asked herself.

"Big mac!"

"That's it." Mimi said, before disappearing into the back room. Two minutes later she busted the door open and started chucking hamburgers and fries at the rappers.

"Ouch! There hot!" The Big Mac guy yelled.

They quickly ran away screaming "TACO BELL IS BETTER!"

Mimi hopped over the counter and ran for Hot Topic. She had to get her Edward doll before Angel got there. As she charged through the mall she bumped into someone. That someone was Angel.

"Why are you running?" Mimi asked.

"I needed some exercise…" Angel lied. "Why are you running?"

"There's a sale at the jewish store." Mimi lied.

"You're not even jewish!" Angel said.

"Who the hell exercises in the mall?"

"People in Sears."

"You're not anywhere near Sears! We are standing in front of Disney Store!" Mimi yelled. The dancer thought for a moment. "You should go check on Maureen."

"Why me? Why cant you check on her?"

"Because…I have to use the bathroom."

"I do too."

"Why don't we both go to the bathroom and then come back and check on Maureen?" Mimi asked.

"That will work." Angel said, wondering if her best friend was trying to pull a fast one.

A/N: Next chapter should be interesting. Something shocking happens in the bathroom. Chris Hansen finds Maureen. Roger gets into some trouble. Collins has another encounter with the old man in the electric wheelchair. I've decided that this story is only going to be 10 or 11 chapters and that will give me time to end it. I'm working on two stories and a tv show script! If you haven't already, go and check out one of my older stories Honest Living. it's the very last of its series and I'm trying to wrap it up so I can move on to an another fic. Wow this A/N is long! Sorry! Please review!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

[In the bathroom]

Angel and Mimi went to the bathroom claiming they had to pee. Since it was a Tuesday, the bathroom wasn't as busy as usual. Mimi sat in a stall next to Angel's.

"I know what your doing." Mimi said.

"What am I doing?"

"Trying to keep me from getting my Edward doll."

"No, I have to pee."

"Well, I don't hear you peeing."

"Why are you wanting to hear me pee?" Angel asked.

Their awkward conversation was interrupted by a scream.

"What was that!" Mimi asked.

"Hello?"

"There's blood everywhere!" A woman said loudly.

"You women and you're periods." Angel said with an eye roll.

Mimi quickly ran out of the stall to get to the one at the very end. The dancer kicked the stall open, rivaling a woman around 30 on the floor with a puddle of blood surrounding her.

"Uh…Angel! Come here!"

Once Angel came, she screamed.

"I think I'm having a baby." The woman cried.

"What do you mean _think_?" Mimi and Angel asked.

"I've been cramping for the past two hours and then I decided to use the bathroom and a lot of water dropped into the toilet-"

"Sugar, lets just skip the nastiness." Angel begged.

"I feel a head!"

Joanne, who had just been thrown up on by a seven year old entered to clean herself up.

"Angel, what are you doing in here?" Joanne asked, looking down the bathroom.

"Mimi?" she took her sweater off now wearing another sweater (yes, she was wearing two sweaters) then went to talk to her friends. " Why are you two back here acting like it's a social- OH MY DAMN!"

"Joanne, do you have your cell phone?" Mimi asked.

"Here." Joanne said, not taking her eyes of the scene she had just walked in on.

Mimi got on the phone with 911 and began talking with them.

"Chica, could you hurry up and have this baby? I need my Edward doll." Angel asked sweetly.

"EDWARD IS MINE!" Mimi screamed. "anyway, I'm sorry about that."

"I cant just hurry and have a freakin baby! Are you crazy?" The woman asked.

"No, just anxious."

"How far along are you?" Mimi asked.

"I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT!"

"WHAT?" They trio said.

"How do you not know you are pregnant?" Joanne asked.

"This is just like that TV show I saw!" Angel said.

"Ok, I need you to push." Mimi said.

Just then Chris Hansen burst in.

"Hello, I am Chris Han-WRONG SHOW GUYS!"

Chris Hansen and his camera crew ran out of the bathroom. Next, Ryan Seacrest entered.

"I'm Ryan-"

"This isn't American Idol and no you're not getting 45 million from us!" Joanne snapped.

"Seacrest….out!"

"I knew he was gay." Angel mumbled.

A hour later and the random baby was finally born.

"It's a girl!" Joanne said. "hey, guy's look at her eyes!"

The ex-lawyer turned to her friends, but they were gone.

"I guess they really wanted Edward." The woman who had just had a baby said.

[Disney Store]

Maureen sat on top of the counter reading a Disney Magazine when her worst nightmare walked in.

"We meet again." Chris Hansen said with his camera crew behind him.

"Did you have to bring the fucking cameras? Really? Was that necessary?" Maureen asked, before slamming the magazine on the table.

"We did some research and discovered you are not the predator."

"We'll that's what I was trying to say!" Maureen said, jumping off the counter.

"Do you know a Benjamin Coffin?"

"The Third?"

"Yes." Chris Hansen said.

Kendall who happened to be walking around the mall stopped into the store.

"Dammit, Maureen." She said. "Why the hell is Maury and his camera crew here? What did you do?"

"I'm innocent!" Maureen said with a pout. "It's my friend…well not friend, but you remember Benny, right?"

"Yes…"

"Well, he's a wanted man. It turns out he's a child predator and he's been talking with this really young girl and the same girl was at a rave I was at with Joanne and I went to the girls house, because she said her taco's were good….wait that sounds perverted…she cooks tacos…but anyway, Chris Hansen thought I was Benny and has been stalking me." Maureen explained quickly.

"Wow…you talk fast." Chris Hansen said.

"How dare you accuse my fiancé of being a pedophile!" Kendall yelled. "Maureen, you're fired!"

"Why!"

"Not only because you accused my fiancé of being a pedophile but because you rigged the computer to print out _Fuck Prop 8 _on every recipe!" Kendall said.

"I bet you were one of those people who voted yes!" Maureen said.

"We live in New York!" Kendall said looking at Maureen as if she lost her mind.

Roger ran into the Disney store.

"What's going on? What's with the cameras? Are you Chris Hansen?" The rocker asked.

"Yes."

"Benny is a pedophile and she voted yes on Prop 8." Maureen said pointing to Kendall.

"You assfuck!" Roger said. "How dare you?"

"Are you kidding? This has to be a prank! We live in New York, you jackasses!" Kendall screamed loudly. "Prop 8 was in California!"

"So?" Maureen and Roger said.

"Let's straight-bash this hetero!!" Maureen said.

"But, I'm straight." Roger said.

"You're an honorary gay, Roger."

"Ok!"

Chris Hansen looked at the cameras and said "Let's keep the cameras rolling, boys!"

Maureen grabbed a Wizards of Waverly Place magic stick and began hitting Kendall over the head while Roger hit her with two posters.

A/N: Second to last chapter coming up! I'm coming up with ideas for the final chapter. Help me out. Please review!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

[Hot Topic]

After abandoning Joanne and the pregnant lady, Mimi and Angel finally made it to Hot Topic. To their surprise, there was a huge sign that read;

_All Twilight Dolls Are Sold Out! Sorry!_

Angel slowly back away. "No….no…no…lord no…"

"LIES!" screamed Mimi. "MARK!"

Angel and Mimi stormed into the store where Mark was replacing Panic At The Disco T-shirts with Justin Bieber shirts.

"Please don't beat me! It's not my fault we sale Justin Bieber!" Mark cried.

"Where's Twilight?" Angel asked.

"Oh, hey guys….we're sold out…but we do have Harry Potter…."

"Fuck Harry Potter!" Angel and Mimi cursed.

"Mimi, close the store…" Angel said calmly grabbing Mark by his shirt.

"Wha…what are you going to do to me?" Mark asked with fear in his eyes.

Mimi closed the store and all hell broke loose.

[Near the food court]

As Collins did his hourly walk around the store, he spotted the old man speeding once again.

"Sir!"

"Ah shit, not you again…." The old man mumbled.

"I'm gonna need you to stop!" Collins demanded.

The old man ignored him and kept going. Collins ran past the electric wheelchair, got on the floor lying on his stomach, and pulled out a pocket knife. As the old man drove by, Collins stabbed one of the wheels. The old man instantly stopped.

"What is yo problem, bitch!" The old man said standing up.

"You can walk?"

Collins got off the floor to meet the man face to face. The man was a little shorter than Collins, but height didn't bother him.

"I will Chris Brown your ass all up and down this mall!"

"Whoa, sir! I've been trying to get you to slow down for two days! No need to get violent…I'll fix your wheel."

"You better….or I'll start crying!"

Before Collins could say anything, his walkie came on talking about a disturbance at Hot Topic.

[Hot Topic]

Collins walking into the store stepping on posters and wigs. As he looked around, he saw shirts, hair dye, CD's, eye liner, and fake blood scattered all over the floor.

"Hello?"

"Collins?"

Collins looked straight ahead and there Angel and Mimi were….wearing Twilight shirts and holding Twilight lunch boxes.

"What happened? Where's Mark?"

Mark got up from behind the counter. He was covered in silver glitter. "It won't come off…."

"O.M.G, Mark…we are so sorry…" Mimi said.

"We heard you were out of Twilight dolls and completely flipped our shit."

Kendall, along with Joanne, the woman with the baby, and Roger and Maureen in handcuff arrived.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Kendall threw her hands in the air. "You all are the worse employees ever! You do nothing cause chaos!"

"We're sorry…" Roger said with a pout.

"You're all fired. I've found a group of people more responsible than you all."

As they all made their way out of the mall, they noticed a group of half clothed orange people standing outside of Kendall's office. Maureen gave one of the guys a wink and he waved at her.

"Ronnie, who is that whore you were waving at?"

"Babe, it was just some girl!"

"No, Ronnie! You are cheating on me!"

"Looks like we got a situation here…" Said one guy without a shirt on.

"Vinnie, could you get me a pickle, please?"

"Talk about some shallow people…." Joanne said as the bohos walked out the doors of the mall.

They were once again unemployed….

A/N: Hmm the cast of Jersey Shore working at the mall? I know this was a fast ending, but I felt the need to finish this story. Thank you for reading!


End file.
